Test Chapter because the recent changes made things harder for me specifically.
Video tag test
Derogatory's Log, Stardate...uh...
Tuesday, perhaps?
It's actually May 2020 as I'm writing this so who knows what the fuck has happened since then.
PRESENTLY, I am once again starting a chapter in the Central building. Today marks my 4th in a row.
And yet, a complimentary parking space continues to elude me.
On a less important note, I recently battled a giant mutant yo-yo.
...
That set itself on fire.
But that was all very boring in comparison to this parking spot shortage I find myself in now.
How about I entertain us with the riveting recount of the invention of Pokeparking spaces?
Well it all started in Pokemon Copper, 6,5XX years ago.
(Or, if you were a dirty peasant, Pokemon Stone.)
Back then not everyone could afford instantaneous teleportation like we can nowadays, so one clever chap by the name of Punabout Wheels found a cheap and easy solution to getting around.
He tied two Ekans together mouth to tail and then wrapped them around a large circular slab of stone, creating the first wheel!
Of course a few hundred years later, people realised that the Ekans were superfluous and were only added because Mr. Punabout absolutely loathed both snakes and palindromes.
Long story short, the parking space was invented because other drivers and pedestrians didn't want to be splashed by Ekans blood from a nearby vehicle all the time.
So they outlined the minimum distance required to avoid said blood.
And that's where the Pokeparking space comes from.
The end.
Thank you, thank you!
I'll be here for at least sixteen more weeks!
WHERE THE REPLIES USED TO BE
Oh wow.
What a change of pace!
So much excitement to be had in the RIGHT hand room.
Hah.
I know it's hard to be away from me for more than ten minutes at a time but you have to persevere, Anabel.
There won't be a continuation of this quest for a very long time.
I don't think it even exists yet.
Maybe in Version 13?
Experiments, huh?
Glad to see we aren't doing exactly what Bladestar were doing.
So glad we're taking the moral high ground here and not doing something incredibly suspicious.
After all...what would Interpol use this "research" for exactly?
Especially since the method to cure them is already in Erick's hands...
...
What makes you think you have any say in what these things are called?
The Riftdex magically names them, not you.
WHAT!?!
I-I mean of course.
Do you take me for some sort of fake Pokemon trainer's mom, who only knows the names of the Kanto starters, Meowth and Pikachu?
N-nonsense!
Why would it make sense?
If I had to horribly mutate a Pokemon it wouldn't be on my favourite type.
But then again I'm a better person than Flora.
Don't even think I have a least favourite type...they all have their uses...
Although it'd definitely Ice if it weren't for Chiller being Chiller.
Iiiiit's a little bit of both.
...
He did technically kill Flounder III...
But as I said, technically.
Veronica's stupid Earthquake spamming Seviper did most of the work there.
So he can't really be blamed.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough.
Let's get back to what they were saying.
...
So I can go on a whole NEW rambling tangent in five minutes!
What a skilled writer, I am!
That's actually considered a mildly successful day here in Pokemon Rejuvenation.
Take solace in that you actually learned something useful.
Even though you probably should have looked at the room with the PULSE in it.
Seems like that would have been especially important information for you guys.
...
Okay.
I know you've been out of the loop a while, Bass...
But what kind of bizarro world do you think we live in where people just voluntarily give out important information like that?
"Sure we may be stumbling around in a miasma of poison fog with massive pits scattered about...but we're close-ish."
"That's all that matters".
Cha-ching baby.
More money to save until I can finally fucking buy Full Restores and as many Focus Sashes as I can carry.
...
I suppose that makes sense.
At least you didn't offer me untold riches and then bump it down to 50 bucks because I got some blood on the carpet after being brutalised by the fucking home security system.
It was.
...
You should look into the Blakeory's when you have the time, Anabel.
The future robot uprising seems like a much bigger threat in the long run than some mutated freakshow Pokemon.
However that works.
My best guess is that these special black item balls I pick up dump a huge amount of data onto my Rift Dex but I didn't have the proper extensions to read these new files?
...
So basically all they do is install Adobe Reader.
Great.
Whoa, what? You guys made an new app in a like a day?!
Is that chemical in the water that's making people incredibly retarded also making them incredibly good at science and technology?
Or does everyone I know secretly have a degree from fucking MIT?!?
Fucking Flora built and IMPROVED a PULSE machine, Saki's robots are going to end the world, Team Xen is making portals to pocket dimensions with magic goo, genetic engineering and teaching Zetta to believe in himself...
Next they'll be telling me, Veronica's capable of doing advanced quadratic formulas in her fucking head!
Did that really need to be said?
HEY!
You fucking charlatans!
This isn't an "app"! You just slapped a bunch of word documents together!
I knew something was up! What was I thinking you'd be able to make this in a few hours?
You lot aren't even Aevians!
Mmhmm.
We'll see if I accept those thanks once I get a look at my pay cheque.
There better be something about "hazard pay" in there.
"When".
At least you know it'll never be "if", Anabel.
Yeah, yeah I know the score.
Been doing these things a long time now.
Huzzah.
That's all the GDC Help Requests finished!
...
Kinda!
I'm pretty sure Ayuda mentioned that the Help Request HQ was somewhere in this city.
We might get more of these there later on.
But for now we cash in our chips!
Hmph.
Not bad, I suppose.
The game is being a bit generous calling roughly 8% of my current wealth "whopping" though.
Wait a minute...
And isn't this the real world equivalent of like...190 dollars?
So to sum up, I fought a giant spinning metal monster that was on fire...and got payed less than half a weeks minimum wages.?
The PokePolice, ladies and gentlemen!
On top of being incompetent, they're also a bunch of tight-arsed bastards.
...
Also I got a stamp.
Which I'd be excited about if it got me into a good level of the store.
And not the one where the sell those stat drugs I've never used.
Pokemon should be free-range in my opinon, not pumped full of drug!
Oh fuck off.
I only really enjoyed the Help Request I ended up bailing on.
The last one was interesting enough and a pat to my ego but Looker and Anabel are no replacement for Dylan and Ana.
...
Huh.
Guess we're out of things to do now.
I suppose we COULD finally go back to the past now.
Buuuut...we've already started this chapter with the conclusion of the Help Requests and it doesn't feel right to just jump immediately back into deep plot territory...
Besides it's basically the final arc of the season after this chapter and we could use the breathing room.
So we'll have a classic transitory chapter where I evolve all the little box-ridden bastards and do some other random shit at then end.
Might be fun.
...
But first I'll get some supplies from the Department Store.
Because we are LOW.
Huh.
Madelis is out sick today it seems.
Or she's busy torturing puppies.
...
Or she's still getting her wound checked in the hospital like those "telepathic visions" I keep having showed me.
Which, while useful for telling us what's going on in the world story-wise, are anathema to someone doing a fucking reaction-locke.
Like how the hell am I supposed to keep reacting to things I wasn't there to witness?
The main problem is the knowledge I, Sean the player, get from those scenes.
Do I not know these things are happening in game?
Like how I knew Ren joined Team Xen way before everyone else because I, Sean the player saw it happen?
It gets even harder to do later on in this game.
There's whole chapters where the player controls other people (Like that time with Emma on Blacksteeple)
But unlike back then, I'm awake and doing other important things during some of them.
The fuck am I supposed to do for that? I can't just leave piles and piles of uninterrupted pictures!
My witty banter is what the people pay for!
Obviously the audience doesn't pay me with money but their eternal souhohohohohohoho...
Almost gave away something I shouldn't have there.
Hah.
I can can picture that premise for a modern Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode.
The monster of the week is a some sort of soul-sucking vampire with big tits.
And the plot is she became a Twitch streamer and every time people donate bits they're actually donating bits...
OF THEIR SOUL!
They also have to say it exactly as melodramatically as you guys at home would.
And immediately go to commercial to build suspense/let the audience recover from laughing so hard.
Of course it will be seen as yet another one of TV's desperate attempts to keep up with the internet but still.
I want money for that idea/joke.
Anywho, I'm just stocking up on these mostly-useless items.
It's likely I'll never use them but it's better to have them and not need them than to need them and not have them.
...
Them.
Plus I've got a fucking magic backpack that contains its own dimension.
I've stuffed this thing with a literal ton of both food and water so I never have to die of hunger or thirst.
Just seems like the smart thing to do when you have the worlds greatest and largest preservative on your back.
I've put fucking ice-cream cones in this thing and they were still cold when I took it out two days later.
TELL ME.
I CRAVE FULL RESTORES.
...
...
I wonder what would happen if I put a person in the bag...
And this building only has ten floors.
Which means at MOST only 30 people can get up there.
And at the very least, absolutely nobody at all.
What if 33 get nine tickets and somebody gets 3? Or 300 get 1?
Well I suppose that last one is impossible now that I have 4...
Ugh.
The elites of society, I bet.
Always telling us what to do and how to think...
Yes but it'll be better for everyone.
Because it'll be ME on top.
Which is obviously better than it NOT being me.
Ergo and therefore, I win this argument.
Heh...
Those Blakeorys better watch out...
Sean's coming to shut you down.
...
Fuck.
Well okay, how about I kill the male Blakeorys, marry Saki, change her last name to mine (once I find it out what it is) and inherit the business.
Therefore ridding the region of the Blakeory name for good!
What do your calculations say about that, Mr Computer Man?
It's not like I'm doing it for EVIL. It's for the good of the region!
...
Okay, what gives here?
I thought you were programmed to obey me in all matters?
OI...
It's not DEVIOUS.
Just a little bit...mischievous.
DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT. I'D EVEN TAKE HEARING ABOUT THAT FUCKING LEAFLET AGAIN OVER THAT!
I'M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE, DAMMIT!
The worst kind of discrimination rears it's ugly head again viewers...
The kind against me...
Aaaaand I was right.
All that fucking terrifyingly close Beyblade fight got me was access to the worst floor of every department store.
Who even uses these things?
People with too much [GB]$[/GB]on there hands.
Or those losers who use MATH to win Pokemon fights instead of believing in your friends, the heart of the cards and some other third thing.
...
Alright, that's enough out of you today.
Hopefully nobody notices that thing during a fight...
...
Eh. We'll probably be fine.
If we've turned our backs to the enemy in a Pokemon battle something's already gone drastically wrong.
*Sigh*
There's something deeply ironic about having to spend almost twice my reward money to restock all the Ultra Potions I used in that fight.
And by deeply ironic, I mean "extremely frustrating".
Is this the price of doing the "right" thing?
Not a fan.
Oh! I nearly forgot to check those new Rift notes on my CyberNav.
Perhaps we'll learn something interesting?
Well I'm missing the image with the list but oddly "Drifio" is at the top...
"It's unstoppable."
Tchyeah, I think we've disproved that claim, Rift Notes.
Next up is again, one of the non-Xen ones.
"Code: Feris" The corrupted body of Narcissa's old Chandelure.
That decided to anger me by taking on Nancy's appearance.
But much less so than that Cosmia bitch's attempt.
At least Chandelure wasn't being a slut about it.
Huh. I imagine this one would have looked better with a moving Gen 5 sprite.
I wonder if you can have those in fan-games? It'd probably slow the game down but maybe for just this one fight?
Not that it would have really mattered since Rose shattered it with a single swipe but it would have still been impressive.
Which begs the question of how these Rift notes know it stares at the ground and makes "soft" noises...
Is it meant to be...sobbing?
Well it's at peace now thanks to the spectacular Sean.
Next up is...
Ugh.
That Fucking Carnivine...
Code: Sarpa.
"It doesn't care"
That makes two of us.
Next up is Code: Evo, which we mentioned a couple chapters ago is the Gyarados.
SEE!?
WEAKEST RIFT FORM IN EXISTENCE! WHY THE FUCK DOES THE GAME ASSUME THE GARBAGE BAG WAS NEEDED BACK THEN?!?
IT'S JUST ONE BIG IMPOTENT PENIS.
EVEN THE RIFT DEX AGREES WITH THAT EXACT DEFINITION, GOING BY THE LAST LINE!
...
Next up is the infamous Melia Muncher.
Yikes.
"Killed before it could gather it's children and take them to safety".
Those wouldn't happen to be the same children I dusted so I could unlock the fight, would they?
*Cough*
Well that fight was redone quite a bit since my time playing through it so that probably wasn't the case back then.
As I've said before. the canon of this run is slightly different to the actual game that Jan made, mostly due to the improvements he made to the plot and story over the earlier chapters.
Think of your updated versions of the game as the original timeline while this run shows the Terribly-Titled one.
Anyway, next up is Code: Statia.
The baby Volcanion.
And it's all terrible.
Just pretend my Team Rocket parody version was what really happened and move on.
To the biggest piece of shit, Code Corroso.
AKA: The Garbodor I was fully willing to let die.
Right away, those first two lines are what I did during that encounter.
I fought both Zetta and the Rift by myself, except I actually won the fight.
Because of course I did.
And now I'd like to talk about it's "MOTIVATION".
I seem to recall it actually attacking me and Ren in the sewers.
Yet it attempts no sort of reconciliation towards me?
Long story short, fuck this thing.
I wish I didn't screw up choosing the kill it option by doing a shit "will I, won't I" bit.
Now let's go grind.
Am I?
Oh! You're right.
Can't move on without fulfilling my promise.
Hi.
8 ice-creams to go, please?
Just ask the Pokemon to point at what flavours they want while I deal with this.
Oh I'm so sorry for cutting in line.
Would you like me to cut your head off instead?
Cut off your head.
With this axe.
--
Do you want me do that?
Then don't presume you can tell me what to do, you balless insect.
Oh great, thanks!
Keep the change!
Route 8 Beach
Enjoy everyone.
You all earned it after that Ferrothorn fight.
Now let's all have a big celebratory lick!
...
Blech! I think I got someone else's flavour! This tastes like...iron?
Oh, we better switch so.
I'm not even going to question why there's a "blood flavour".
...
So what did the rest of you get?
Appropriate for you.
But a terrible choice.
Glad to see someone appreciates a good pun around here.
What do Thunderstones even taste like to you?
Because to me they taste like broken teeth.
I think I get what you mean.
Like Pop Rocks or fizzy candies don't really taste of anything but it's the kick you're paying for.
...
...
You've got to work on your volume control, man.
Luckily I had the foresight to buy a spare ice-cream for you specifically.
Honeycomb, right?
Good choice.
Hahaha!
I'll bet it is.
...
Can you say that again into this recorder?
I want to rub it into Caesar's face later.
Wow.
I think that's the first time you've said something I actually approved of, Sazzle.
What gives?
Oh thank god.
If it gets you to shut up, I should tire you out more often!
[FONTSIZE=20px]AGH GOD, THAT IS 100% NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOU-
REINHARD! WHAT FLAVOUR DID YOU GET?![/FONTSIZE]
Black wha!?
How is that a flavour?! And why didn't they call it by it's proper name "Carbonado"?
I'd eat an ice-cream called that.
Oh.
Vanilla.
The name made it sound more impressive than it actually is.
Wow...
Confimation that all those countries exist in the Pokemon world...
The ice-cream sounds impressive too.
Even free fancy cutlery?
That's a REALLY good ice-cream stand! No wonder it's the only one in the city!
...
Wait...saffron...black truffle...gold flakes...Madagascar starring Ben Stiller and Chris Rock...?
How much did that thing cost!?
PALTRY!?
YOU SPENT OVER A HUNDRED POKEGRAND ON A FUCKING ICE-CREAM!?!?
RESPONSIBILI-
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EMPEROR OF ANYTHING FOR WEEKS NOW!
AND YOU DID THE LEAST AMOUNT WORK OUT OF ANY OF US DURING THAT FERROTHORN BATTLE!
You've ruined a nice moment, Reinhard.
You've ruined it and I'm leaving to go train up the reserves.
The rest of you can go ahead and relax out here for the rest of the day.
Just meet me back at the Theatre when the sun goes down.
It's fine, Rose.
You stay here and enjoy yourse-
-self.
...
Ah to be young and casually hurt your pare- *Ahem* Trainer's feelings again.
Okay so unfortunately, the closest and highest level Audino trainer to grind off of (phrasing) is here in Nightmare City.
Hopefully this guy also gives out decent cash every time I beat him so I can start to regain the HEAVY financial loss of buying that prissy penguin potentate's over-priced ice-cream.
Also this realm operates like it's own Hyperbolic Time Chamber. I can grind for ages in here and only seconds would pass by in the real world!
Or at least that's the justification I'm using for being able to train all these Pokemon within a few hours while everyone else takes ages to do it.
To save us time we won't question how gaining money or exp while we're all sleeping works.
Isn't it obvious?
I need SOMEONE to bash the Audino's cute little faces in and you're the only strong fighting type I have left.
For when Carnage runs out of PP.
Also for clicks.
For SOME reason, the people reading this run really like you.
Of course they do.
They're watching MY Nuzlocke.
Okay, everyone in Part 1 is fully-evolved and at a decently high level.
Same goes for Part 2 more or less...
Nancy Jr. and Ozone are the exception but I can't Mega-evolve/Item-evolve those two yet.
So in the box they shall stay.
Someday, Nancy Jr.
Someday soon.
...
And I don't think we've ever exchanged pleasantries yet, Ozone.
...
And so the thrilling adventure that is our friendship continues.
Anyway most of the training will be going to the captures I made this Part.
Gonna break up the evolutions and attempted characterization with those lines you see above.
So get used to seeing them a lot today.
...
Wait.
Klang?
I thought I called you Metal Gear?
Ah, I see.
I forgot I had to reload that save due to getting stuck in a tree.
I am the Derolax.
I speak for the gears.
...
Like to see you do better, bug brain.
Giving character to all the Pokemon I've caught is a nearly impossible task.
What I WAS going to do was make Metal Gears gimmick that he was actually animated but there aren't any good ways to do that in Photoshop.
They'd be either be 3-D models or sprites so they won't look as good.
...
I'll give it another try later.
Ahhh Buckethead, my actual legendary Pokemon.
Time for you to break free of your confinement and profess your undying love and loyalty to me.
Oh my foolish and sceptical friend.
You underestimate the power of...
[FONTSIZE=22px]BLUE MOON ICE-CREAM![/FONTSIZE]
Oh good. Some will trickle into it's mouth that way.
Was wondering how the hell I was going to feed it otherwise.
I wonder if this is even technically an evolution.
It's more like taking a hat off.
And there it is!
My first (combat-capable) legendary Pokemon!
Oh interesting.
I suppose that's the special move that corresponds to what ever CD I stick into it's head?
How're you feeling, Buckethead?
...
I-uh...
I humbly accept your oath.
Now return. I will call upon you when I need a stalwart fighter!
...
[FONTSIZE=9px]What the fuck is in this stuff!?!?!?[/FONTSIZE]
...
...
...
Ah Joylne.
No time today, I'm afraid, Joylne.
Why don't you head down to the beach near Route 9 and play with Rose and the others?
That she is.
...
You REALLY need to start learning our names though.
I think I'll passively train Joylne from time to time, even if she'll never evolve.
There might be an event for her to become a Manaphy at some point after all.
Like the previous Sea Guardian bestows the power of the Sea onto her?
That'd be cool.
And by that I mean it should fucking happen because I fucking said so.
Charcoal's getting evolved immediately.
I'm not having a training accident and ending up with two Growlithes in the Graveyard Boxes.
God..."Boxes" plural.
Things have never gotten that bad in any of my other non-documented Nuzlockes.
...
Well okay, any of the vanilla ones.
Radical Red and Photonic Sun were MOTHERFUCKERS.
I think the reason Rejuvenation's isn't higher despite the far large chapter count is due to all the fucking talking in between battles.
It's either that or doing the Nuzlocke for an audience and giving the Pokemon quirks and characters makes me a bit more vigilant/hyper paranoid about certain things.
Little woof.
Big Woof.
And an even bigger amount of saliva.
Lovely.
Little lamp.
Fancy lamp.
That's all a chandelier is when you think about it.
Oh?
Well thank you, Bella. I appreciate i-
...
Well. I'm dry.
But I think feel weirdly empty inside...
And not the usual kind I normally feel...
Er...
Medium-sized assortment of sentient gears?
Large assortment of sentient gears.
...
I think?
Is every gear on a Klinklang sentient like a Magneton?
Or is it just the ones with faces?
I'm sure Metal Gear would answer if I gave them a character.
But seriously how the fuck do you characterize a literal pile of gears?
[FONTSIZE=20px]OKAY FIRST I'M GOING TO GIVE THEM AN OILING THEN A CHARACTER![/FONTSIZE]
Spooky skull.
Becomes spooky mummy.
And then spooky...revenant?
Really the only thing any of this species evolutions have in common is the one big creepy eye.
Yes.
Learn that.
Nah. I think we'll leave my underpan-I mean...We'll leave the Cloth alone for now.
Eviolite Dusclops is a pretty good tank so I want to leave that option open in the future.
...
Dare I ask what those are?
...
OH HEY LOOK AT THIS CUTE AND OH SO CLEVERLY NAMED HORSE!
I shall ride him into battle one day.
The only way that would look better is if it was a Pegasus.
Which is what Gamefreak SHOULD have made instead of that stupid unicorn with the stupid Play-Doh hair.
They could have at least kept the adorable fluffy hair from Galarian Ponyta.
NO.
What they SHOULD have done is give Original Rapidash another evolution (mega or otherwise) INTO a Pegasus.
One with big fiery wings!
Because let's face it, Rapidash is pretty shit for a final evolution.
Flash Fire and the design is it's only redeeming qualities.
Yes, yes, I'll feed you after I'm done explaining why you're a crap Pokemo-
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Yowch!
Guess he's got a temper to match the mane...
Okay, game.
I think we've all played enough Pokemon that you can remove the "What?" part during the evolution cutscene.
Like imagine being fucking surprised that your Pokemon is evolving in THIS day and age?
Even back in the old days, the ads mentioned it as a feature and the fucking final forms of your starters were on the box art!
...
Shit, anyone remember the first advert for Pokemon Red&Blue?
It had a fat bus driver driving a bus full of Pokemon through what looked like the ghetto before crushing the bus in one of those car crushers.
Then the crusher opened up to reveal all the Pokemon on the bus had been condensed into a Game Boy Colour.
Or the advert for Pokemon Yellow where the kid is catching Pokemon like a fucking Team Rocket member?
Or the advert for Pokemon Pasta where the fork tries to impale all the Pokemon screaming in fright?
Or what has to be my favourite advert, the Pokemon Colosseum one where it's filmed like a protest against the Vietnam War.
[MEDIA=youtube]2v5PpX5Z2BA[/MEDIA]
Seriously, America.
Did you just funnel all your most entertaining sociopaths into the advertising department back then?
You really should have kept that up.
Nowadays all you see is an overabundance of box-ticking.
Anyway, Brittle has evolved.
Hi there, sleepyhead! Nice to finally talk to you!
...Hello?
[FONTSIZE=18px]GODDAMN IT!
AM I GOING TO GET ATTACKED BY EVERY FUCKING POKEMON I TRY TO EVOLVE!?!?
BRITTLE!
BRITTLE STOP! LOOK![/FONTSIZE]
I'll give you this shiny silver spoon if you to calm down?
...
Good.
We alright then?
No more "panic attacks" coming my way?
Long story short but I'm your trainer, I caught you after you were freed from a teleporting machine set up by an evil group of terrorists.
I guess being forced to operate that thing really took it out of you because that was over a month ago (in-game) and you've been sleeping this entire time.
Don't worry.
I'll leave you plenty of time to adjust to your new life with us.
And now it's Adorbs' turn.
Luckily no cuteness is diminished in the process like so many other Pokemon.
...
Just one of life's many mysteries, you adorable little cherub.
I think the only thing stopping you from being cuter than Audino is that I would probably crush you if I tried to hug you.
[FONTSIZE=22px]NO WAI-[/FONTSIZE]
[FONTSIZE=22px]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!![/FONTSIZE]
It really was.
A balm on our frayed nerves.
Ah yes.
Fionnghula.
While she has one of the best names I could come up with...
Swanna is unfortunately an irredeemably crap Pokemon.
Like it LOOKS great, sure. And it learns Hurricane...
But it's really just a worse Pelliper because at least Pelliper gets Drizzle.
Which bumps the 70% accuracy Hurricane up to 100%.
I'm not going to even attempt any character building for you,
You die like four chapters into Part 4 so it'd be a waste of mine and everyone's time if I did.
[FONTSIZE=20px]NOBODY CARES FIONNGHUALA![/FONTSIZE]
Time to evolve Daydream, my shiny Munna.
I know what you're thinking, audience.
"HE'S GONE MAD!"
"WHY WOULD HE EVOLVE SUCH A CUTIE IN TO SUCH AN UGGO!?"
Well everyone has to do their part to save the world in Team Derogatory.
Well okay, a more accurate statement would be
"Everyone has to be ready to fill in for someone who died/to give me a better type advantage.
But that doesn't sound NEARLY as impressive or morale boosting.
...
...
Y'know, what?
I take back that meme I made.
Daydream Musharna is actually pretty cute...but in a different way?
Like...I don't know a good way to describe it...
She looks serenely comfy and it makes me want to cuddle her so that I TOO may gain some of that comfort?
Now if someone could actually show me a way to make Musharna a Pokemon that I would actually be able to use in the game, that'd be even better.
But until then...
Onto the next evolution!
[FONTSIZE=22px]I LIED![/FONTSIZE]
But I DID get you another silver spoon as an apology?
...
That'a girl.
...
Feels weird saying that to something with such a luxurious moustache.
Okay, your REAL adjustment period starts now!
Please adapt to your new life here while I'm gone back in time, okay?
[FONTSIZE=20px]ADAPT, IMPROVISE AND OVERCOME, BRITTLE![/FONTSIZE]
My darling Clementine is up next!
And there she is.
...
...
It's not MY fault!
There are a LOT of fucking Pokemon on this team!
I can't keep up with ALL of you.
Only thing I remember about you is that I found you lurking in a chest behind a door that required 6 badges to open.
Yeah...
Seems you have Poison, Fighting, Ghost, Water, Electric and Bug?
Where did you GET those? There's no way you actually earned them, is there?
You're weak to a lot of them and I would think Veronica would have brought up a lone Scraggy earning her badge at some point...
Huh.
Well that's not anybody I care about so good job being resourceful.
Hahaha!
Give me my wallet back.
And you've got surprisingly dextrous feet.
Besides my eyes are fucking abysmal.
I'm just really good at guessing at what sneaky little shits are up to.
Here's the big reveal:
It's sneaky little shit stuff.
Turkleton double warp digivolve tooo...
Torterra!
...
No.
Grotle's are just a myth.
Now smile for the camera and get outta here!
...
Okay, please never smile again.
Huh. It learns that upon evolving?
I didn't know that. I never really picked Turtwig when I played the Sinnoh games.
Earthquake is a great move to get though!
But uh...not so great in Nuzlockes.
Sorry, not so great in Nuzlockes where the game throws a LOT of plot double battles at you.
...
Wish Veronica and her stupid Seviper got the memo about that already...
...
I'm such a fool.
I should have called him Agumon, not Galliard.
THINK OF THE DIGI-JOKES I COULD HAVE MADE!
Baby Drago-?
Okay, first off, Digimon came before Yu-Gi-Oh and-
Oh.
You've only caught up to history as far as the ancient Egyptians?
...
And the WRONG history at that?
'Fraid so.
You won't be summoning the spirit of an ancient pharaoh with that.
Here's a hint.
If the hairstyles are stupid looking it's not a history book.
...
Okay excluding Victorian times it's not a history b-
...
Wait, was that pyramid solid gold?
...
*Sigh*
You go ahead and evolve into Greymon or whatever while I try and see if I can fish this thing back out.
YES!
IT'S LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST ROCK TYPE MOVES!
Goddamn it, the current must have swept it out into the sea.
Oh well.
There goes however much money a pyramid of gold would be worth.
Can't be THAT much ri-
...
[FONTSIZE=20px]WINGED DRAGON OF GOD FUCKING DAMMIT![/FONTSIZE]
Ah yes.
My Gastly, Traya.
The actual fucking daughter of the Giratina Rose has been smacking around the region.
The Giratina that is actual fact, an ancient queen transformed by whatever poison this little matricidal monster and her aunts fucking Timpea and Spacea gave her.
Needless to say, with a lineage like that I'm expecting her to fucking WOW me.
Maybe she learns Roar of Time or something?
...
I could actually hack that into her moveset if I wanted to...
Normally, I don't touch that shit but this one time it might be funny from a lore perspective...?
Normally I'd would have suggested Shadow Force but as we know, this apple fell far from her mother's tree.
...
And then came back with an axe.
Which moment was that again?
The one where you betrayed your mother and poisoned her for...what?
Because she was becoming a tyrant?
Yeah, I don't care.
I'd understand if she was like an abusive towards you but to me it seemed like Griselda really cared about you and her bitch sisters.
But killing your own mother just because she had her boot on some peasant's throat is a little mu-
...
D-did the blood sacrifices actually work?
...
...
This game has no fucking chill at all.
A-ahem...
Let's repress the knowledge that BLOOD MAGIC is a thing and move onto our next evolution.
As you can tell it's Porygon.
The Pokemon line with the laziest names outside of maybe Seel and Dewgong.
The initial form was easily the best looking too.
This one looks like something you'd find on an office desk in the 80's which is why I don't like it.
It IS a really good tank though.
But just like my 3DS, I'm going to install it with some illegal mods so I never have to buy 3DS games again!
SUCK IT, NINTENDO!
THIS IS FOR PROVIDING ME WITH HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT DURING MY CHILDHOOD!
And here he is.
Big fan of Porygon-Z's abilities, by the way.
Download is pretty unique and Adaptability is great stuff.
...
Nnnnoot too sure what flat character trait to give him though.
Anyone got any ideas?
Huh?
Oh? A hacker?
Or more accurately, what Hollywood (and I) think a hacker is like?
That should be a fun one.
Outfit could use a little work though...
Maybe I'll draw him his own hoodie instead of Photoshopping it?
Yeah...that'd work...
Nice.
Soon I will be able to buy that solid gold jetpack.
Then I can finally fit in with all the other trillionaire Arab princes!
HA!
I think the fact that I need to buy my gold jetpack with what are essentially Goodboy points from Jan and his cronies answers your question.
I wish I was though.
That's life on UBER-EASY mode.
You've got millions of people at your beck and call and all you have to do is be a little (or very) evil.
...
I don't think they're allowed drink though.
Uh...
I doubt they have to obey that law all too closely being as mega-rich as they are anyway.
...
Also I'm pretty sure I had your character as "talks like he's punch drunk", Southpaw.
Not be an ACTUAL drunk.
I did realise that after a while, yeah.
Oh well. It's still a good name.
And I'll...allow it for now.
I won't be using you in the near future anyway so it's fine.
...
How'd you even get the taste for it?
Well alright then.
Good enough reason for me!
I'm in sore need of Ground types so Bailey's up next!
...
I feel like there was a missed opportunity to call this thing Hendrix now that I think about it.
Never actually liked his music though.
Besides I suppose that name wouldn't go down very well with a LADY sandcastle.
However the male/female split even works with ghosts.
I suppose the sand could be haunted by a girl ghost?
...
So is this door a vagin-
[FONTSIZE=20px]BWAAGGGHH!!?!?[/FONTSIZE]
...
God I hope I don't regret doing this.
But Samurott IS a very decent Water ty-
...
[FONTSIZE=6px]oh god[/FONTSIZE]
F-finally, Destiny?
[FONTSIZE=26px]OH DEAR GOD NO! EVOLVING HER EVOLVED THE YANDERE IMAGE AS WELL!
BACK, YOU WRETCHED BEAST!
BACK, I SAY!
[/FONTSIZE]
I escaped intact, audience. Don't worry.
Now take a look at the roster.
Part 1 is still cool with all your favourites.
Part 2 is looking fine as well with some of your more niche and less often seen characters.
Anyone you like best from that image?
[FONTSIZE=100px][][/FONTSIZE]
And this is where Part 3's box picture would go.
But it isn't here in this folder.
Don't know why...guess I forgot to press the button?
...
Just like I forgot to evolve Pancake the Zubat into a Crobat and that Drowsee I caught in a dream into a Hypno.
Oh well.
Ah I must remember to move these three to the Part 3 box.
This was taking before I decided to do the merger.
Originally this Part would have ended at the Puppet Master fight.
Which would have been very unsatisfying compared to the other two Parts endings so I kept going.
BUT thank god all that editing is done.
I put FAR too much effort into this fucking nothing of a chapter.
Know that I do it all for you, my darling viewers.
And not just because I'm a fucking idiot who could have just slapped a bunch of evolution pictures up and called it a day.
Well now that monumental amount of editing work is done...
Let's play a fun game.
...
Well not so much a fun game as it is another randomizer.
But instead of superpowers, this time we'll be rolling for...
OUR VERY OWN GENERIC JAPANANESE RPG ANIME PARTY!
WOW! EVEN THE CRICKETS ARE EXCITED!
Okay, I KNOW it's not as cool as the superpower one but it should be mildly interesting, right?
...
As always I shall assume you all agree with me because you can't comment until AFTER it all happens.
So just put your username in and post a screenshot of what you got in your reply!
...
I should clarify something first though, audience.
I WON'T be drawing shit for this like I did for the superpowers.
That's too much work.
I already broke my back doing all those fucking evolution edits above, I AIN'T DOING NO MORE!
...
I will probably write about what the character would be in regards to the show and whatnot.
Anyway...
[FONTSIZE=18px]Here's the link.[/FONTSIZE]
Now let's see what I get...
Huh...
Well already I can see I'm going to have to be the tank for the party since all of these guys are Magic and Dexterity builds.
But let's go over them so I can pad the chapter OUT OF GENUINE INTEREST!
Oracle huh?
Well then I'm calling her Ai Cee obviously.
Okay, this one will probably be a joke character than eventually gets OP.
Like at the start she'd yell out warnings just as the boulder is about to fall on the party or something making her a massive burden at the start. But over the course of the journey she becomes truly clairvoyant.
She won't be particularly strong magically but using her clairvoyance she can predict enemies movements and react accordingly with magic traps, curses and the like.
Probably a sheltered young girl that's new to adventuring so all the world-building and exposition is explained to her so the viewer can be informed.
Also the demon king or whoever might want her due to her clairvoyant powers or something. I dunno. Something generic like that.
A solid character and would probably be on all the promotional art and be waifu bait for the plebs.
Jingle the Jester
Now this one is for TRUE patricians.
Acrobatic, short-haired tomboy and with a good sense of humor? Christ alive.
She'd be the one who'd cheer up the party when they're down or to lighten up the mood during gloomy days.
Fights using slapstick and joke items.
But since magic is a thing, it's actually incredibly effective.
Rubber chickens that weigh the same but when they hit you it's like getting hit with a steel bat, pies to the face that cause status effects and banana peels that latch onto your feet and make it nearly impossible to stand up straight
Fights to stop the demon lord solely because he's a humorless cunt. That's it.
The man known only as "Strider" and nothing else, I swear.
The kind of character you'd meet in a tavern who'd help one of the more innocent characters out of being attacked by the demon king's lowest ranked goons.
He fights with bow, dagger and a strangely ornate sword that is almost magical in it's abilities. But what would a simple Ranger be doing with a sword of such quality?
A man possessing a noble spirit, oddly specific knowledge of politics and an almost...regal bearing? How strange...
Would be the team leader if he wasn't content with being in the background. Has a budding romance with a princess that shows up from time to time to aid the party. Where and how could these two have possibly met?
...
He's fucking Aragorn.
Oh I've got a great name for this guy.
Albuff Dumbbelldore.
A wise old man with a playful side who has dedicated his life to unravelling the mysteries of magic...
While doing push-ups.
Okay, this one will 100% be the meme character that loads of people will love and inevitably use as their profiles pics for forums and such.
He will be hilarious and you will quote everything he says, so to speak.
This guy is a pure magical powerhouse.
He'll fight with magic punches if that wasn't obvious. It's not hard to imagine how that would work.
Fireball? He punches a fist of fire at you.
Heal? He punches your wounds shut.
Cure? He punches you in the stomach so you throw up the poison.
Teleport? He punches a hole through space and walks through it.
He might die defeating the final boss to save the rest of the party which would further cement him into being the best character in the series.
Cyril the (Former-ish) Bandit
A highly skilled but almost monosyllabic man who fell in with the party after they (accidentally) helped him escape from the (later to be found corrupt) city guard. Fights with dagger or a club, adept at throwing knives and is equipped with a small buckler on his arm for defence.
Wears a mask almost all the time put pulls it down on occasion to show his displeasure at some of the groups antics. Is actually incredibly handsome.
Has a tragic backstory, no doubt.
Smiles once at the ending of the series because he treasured the time spent with his new friends. His new family.
Truly a character designed for women.
And as a bonus, here are some tidbits of the (mostly) minor antagonists the party will face along the way.
Takeshi Ryo Mitsubishi Nintendo.
Not so much an antagonist as he is fucking annoying.
Won't stop going on about something he allegedly invented called "soy sauce" and calling basic subsistence rice the "food of the gods".
Gets beaten to death for trying to pass off raw fish as "the highest form cuisine".
Death
(Specifically for people who die of embarrassment.)
The joke is that she is literally just a skeleton but gets incredibly embarrassed every time her cloak is damaged or flies off.
Which happens a lot.
Farmer Grimm
Fucking hell. What do you even do for this one?
...
Okay...this farmer grows new strains of crops and infects the old ones that the rest of the world uses with blights and pests.
Then he becomes the sole source of food in the world and is uber-rich?
Or at the very least, that's his plan if the heroes don't stop him.
Count Chunkula
General in the Demon Lord's army.
Accidentally drank the blood of a diabetic and is now fat?
I dunno.
We probably should shame him more for being an undead creature of the night than his body weight.
Anyway, that's that.
I look forward to seeing your own and telling you how much they suck in comparison!
Hahaha yes, fellow young people! I do think that all older people are directly responsible for the world being terrible and not just select groups of bankers, oligarchs and politicians that constantly push us against each other so they remain safe!
Shall we make our way to the vaping/ridiculous house prices/social media clout store?
Oh viewers.
You've returned.
...
Or more likely scrolled down your screen slightly.
Sadly it looks like I'll have to end the Nuzlocke here for good.
Because the entire world below Route 9 has been consumed by a repeating sky-box.
Billions are presumed dead.
I seem to be alright in it though.
In it? Under it?
Not sure which adjective to use here to be honest.
The entire world disappearing into a skybox is SLIGHTLY above my normal pay-grade.
I can only assume this is the result of me not being in the past to stop Melia fucking something up so badly, that this timeline is being slowly erased.
Think of it like Back to the Future where Marty's hand starts disappearing when he's on stage.
Except on a MUCH larger scale.
I swear you take your eyes of that girl for one fucking second and she goes and collapses reality.
Starting to think that the twist of this game isn't that I'm here to help Melia, I'm here to mitigate the damage she might cause...
Oh good.
I was right in assuming you all ran here when you saw the night sky start to envelop the entire world below this place.
I have no idea, Rose.
But I'm assuming it was Melia's fault like I usually do when something goes wrong.
So let's go hop in that crystal, get back to the plot and put a stop to this already!
Funny thing about that is it ALSO exists in the future.
That's how HISTORY works.
But you old windbags are just so shit at story-telling that you need time-travel to do all the hard work for you.
Spoilers everyone, she absolutely fucking won't.
24% of what's going to happen in the next ten or so chapters will be about Aelita.
The other 75% is Melia and the 1% negligible part is Erin.
There was NO point in her coming.
This whole trip is looking more and more like two old people just wanting the youngsters out of the house so they could bang.
...
Bang might be too strong a word for old people sex.
Bump?
-Can we GO already!?-
Oh right, yes.
Well...
Buckle your Shuckle the Fuckle up everyone.
...
Say the line, Death Itself.
Things are about to get especially hairy.
And I think we all know what colour that hair is.
IT'S.
FUCKING.
[FONTSIZE=18px]BLOOOOOOOONNNNNDDDDEEEEEEE!!!![/FONTSIZE]
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